Getting the perfect buttocks. - Narcissism is Necessary

Getting the perfect buttocks.

Sometimes, I wish my face, arms, legs and belly would have the metabolic rate of my arse. My arse is so bony it’s not even funny. Beats me why my buttocks are so flat. It’s definitely genetic because no woman on my Mom or Dad’s side have perky bottoms I could envy.

While I have a voluptuous sounding stat of a 36″ hip, it’s all a farce. Yes I may have really wide hips but if you view me from the side, I look like a freakin’ pole. Sigh….

You know, I wish I had an arse like this. You can clearly see where the leg ends and the arse starts. Behold, the perfect fold.

Nice arse
The butt cheeks, shaped like a tear drop flowing down the legs. I WANTTTTTTT!

Unfortunately, I’ll never have an arse. I can only contend with a pair of legs with hurmmm, a passage for expelling shit :(

No wonder I don’t have any picture of me and my flat derrière. Only this one, taken eons ago at my college prom.

Flat arse.

But my woes and worries will soon be a think of the past, as I’ve discovered one of the greatest inventions ever that has reached our shores. Our Malaysia, where everything….socially, culturally and politically are late by at least 13 years. Check out these granny pants:

Granny pants.
Granny pants.

Would you buy em? Would you wear em? No, no? Too bad….cause I WOULD SO WEAR IT!

Now, don’t be so quick to judge me or my pants. As innocent as the RM29.90, beige and 100% nylon gramps undies looks, it’s really a very sophisticated pair of underwear.
Butt pads
Paddings for the arse.

Now who needs plastic surgery? I can confidently strike off my one of my goals-before-35, “get butt cheek implants”. Simple and cheap buttock pads….why hadn’t I think of that?

Here’s an illustration of my physique with gramp pants on.

Butt lift.
Instant butt lift.

I’m getting 7 pairs for Monday to Sunday :)

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19 Responses to Getting the perfect buttocks.

  1. Dr. Tan March 2, 2008 at 2:28 pm #

    Erm, nono I think you’d better not wear them if they’re so spherical in nature. Like a bowl wtf.

  2. ShadowFox March 2, 2008 at 2:56 pm #

    Hah, this screams GOTCHA to the butt pinching molesters.

  3. Nicole March 2, 2008 at 2:57 pm #

    who needs underwear support when we have photoshop~ :D

  4. Nicholas Chhan March 2, 2008 at 4:58 pm #

    lol, your bf’s lucky to never have to get the question: “Honey, does my arse look fat?”

  5. Bee Nee March 2, 2008 at 8:52 pm #

    Miracle panties! =D

  6. belle March 2, 2008 at 10:04 pm #

    sheesh, feel free to help yourself to some of mine if u like ;p

    your arse is just fine the way they are. Y’know how they say chinese gals got no arse, bollocks. I’m flat from top till midway until Everest Arse.
    count ur blessings babe ;)

  7. pamsong March 3, 2008 at 10:56 am #

    Haha. Take a pic of the ‘real thing’ for us, will ya? I’d like to see if it’s as discreet as I’d like it to be. =p

  8. hui wen March 3, 2008 at 12:50 pm #

    Haha, you exaggerate la! Your butt looks perfectly fine in your prom picture! (the ‘before’ one, not the ‘after’ one wtf). And HAHAHA, now I have a name for what I have always wanted– BUTT FOLD!!! Hahaha!

  9. Notty Gurl March 4, 2008 at 8:37 am #

    Why would you want to have a bigger than life butt? Trust me, it is not that nice…. Donald ducks are for kids… Hehehe…

    Well, if you are a chinese, the chances are you will have a flat ass…. i suppose it is in the genes… unless of course, some divine intervention or lightning strike during the merger of chromosome la.

  10. Kimberlycun March 4, 2008 at 10:15 am #

    dr.tan: bowl shape is good!

    shadowfox: lmao. actually, getting my skinny arse pinched is quite close to a GOTCHA moment for a molestor too -_-

    nicole: lol but how about IRL?

    nicholas: he’s only lucky in that department. i have a lot of other complaints too hahah

    beeneee: tell me about it hehe

    belle: lmao reading your comment! and trust me, i would help myself to some of yours if i could!

    pamsong: hehehhe u could try it at ikano’s outlet shop (next to padini)

    huiwen: butt fold ftw!

    notty gurl: im hoping to live my perky arse dream through my daughter. but judging by my man’s arse…sigh -_-

  11. Charlise May 20, 2008 at 9:27 pm #

    Hey! Where did you see those clever inventions? :)

  12. sherly August 22, 2009 at 3:11 am #


    pls where did you get this padded pants ?ihave been looking everywhere in Malaysia for them, they only have them in the us and uk,,,pls where did you get them,i need to rush there ,ill be waiting your rply,


  13. sherly August 22, 2009 at 3:14 am #

    pls reply to my email box

  14. masita ibrahim October 15, 2009 at 1:52 pm #

    yes, me too.. may I know where you get that padded panties? waiting for your reply loo…

  15. Kimberlycun October 15, 2009 at 2:09 pm #

    i saw it at Ikano Power Centre, in the Branded Outlet shop. good luck ladies!

  16. mathilde May 10, 2010 at 1:54 am #

    i’m not trying to be mean or something, really you don’t have a butt. I’ll give you a tip, brazilian butt-lift! search on that on youtube, buy it and i gerantee you will get a nicer but!

  17. Jessie July 19, 2010 at 12:50 am #

    I came across your blog randomly; I used to have the same problem… Kind of. My ass was shapeless! The truth is that if you want an ass you’re going to have to work out as the butt is a muscle! (makes sense right?)

    In relation to the Brazilian butt lift- I did that workout for 2 weeks, it’s good for lifting but not for building muscle which is what you want. What I’ve been doing is 100 squats a day for 4 the last 4 weeks (though I’m planning to go for 8) it’s really helped to build and shape the fat that I already have; though seeing you have no fat to work with, you should try and do 200 squats (or enough squats to make you fatigued) and then rest for 2 days (as muscles develop during the rest period) you’ll notice results after a few weeks- but it might take a few months before you get the full effect :D

  18. angela September 15, 2010 at 1:21 am #

    I have the exact same issues with the look of my butt…60 year old Mom has the peach bottom I have a panckake…BUT I am black. Even worse because culturally we r expected to deliver in the rear:)). Just want to say you r so beautiful. You do have a flat but, but your overall beauty more than makes up for it. Do not obsess. I still have butt envy but have been married for 10 years to a man who thinks I am perfect (obvioulsy not a butt man!!!)

  19. Nur Haniza December 16, 2015 at 3:08 pm #

    I feel u sista. Btw im starting to doing squat to get my ideal arse. Why dont you do it and get some exercise. You r pretty though. 💜

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