arse Tag Archives - Narcissism is Necessary

Tag Archives | arse

Getting the perfect buttocks.

Sometimes, I wish my face, arms, legs and belly would have the metabolic rate of my arse. My arse is so bony it’s not even funny. Beats me why my buttocks are so flat. It’s definitely genetic because no woman on my Mom or Dad’s side have perky bottoms I could envy.

While I have a voluptuous sounding stat of a 36″ hip, it’s all a farce. Yes I may have really wide hips but if you view me from the side, I look like a freakin’ pole. Sigh….

You know, I wish I had an arse like this. You can clearly see where the leg ends and the arse starts. Behold, the perfect fold.

Nice arse
The butt cheeks, shaped like a tear drop flowing down the legs. I WANTTTTTTT!

Unfortunately, I’ll never have an arse. I can only contend with a pair of legs with hurmmm, a passage for expelling shit :(

No wonder I don’t have any picture of me and my flat derrière. Only this one, taken eons ago at my college prom.

Flat arse.
Arse-less.

But my woes and worries will soon be a think of the past, as I’ve discovered one of the greatest inventions ever that has reached our shores. Our Malaysia, where everything….socially, culturally and politically are late by at least 13 years. Check out these granny pants:

Granny pants.
Granny pants.

Would you buy em? Would you wear em? No, no? Too bad….cause I WOULD SO WEAR IT!

Now, don’t be so quick to judge me or my pants. As innocent as the RM29.90, beige and 100% nylon gramps undies looks, it’s really a very sophisticated pair of underwear.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Butt pads
Paddings for the arse.

Now who needs plastic surgery? I can confidently strike off my one of my goals-before-35, “get butt cheek implants”. Simple and cheap buttock pads….why hadn’t I think of that?

Here’s an illustration of my physique with gramp pants on.

Butt lift.
Instant butt lift.

I’m getting 7 pairs for Monday to Sunday :)

Posted in: General Faux Pas, Random Musing - Continue Reading