Red tide. - Narcissism is Necessary

Red tide.

This was supposed to be a private post but I feel like I need to share it because it’s important. Initially I try to post only positive things about my pregnancy but the truth is, the thought that the worst could happen is always at the back of my head.

I don’t mean to say I am incapacitated by a constant fear for the worst but I feel like somehow publicly acknowledging that I have problems with my first pregnancy, along with the great things about it (better hair, better skin, better moods, etc) that I will be able to show a more realistic situation.

When I was about to hit the 3 month mark, something really scary happened, which I have written in length below. I am close to 6 months pregnant now and everyday I am thankful that I could feel every kick and movement from my baby.

++++++++++

It was 9 March 2014, 1pm. As soon as I looked down, my body went cold. Staring back at me was what used to be my pristine white panties, now stained with brownish, reddish stains.

I called out for Gareth, he rushed into our bathroom. I could see his face crumbled upon seeing what I had just seen.

We had been anticipating the end of the week as it marked the beginning of my 12-week pregnancy – the end of my 1st trimester. This was supposed to be the safe time to announce one’s pregnancy. We were so excited to finally be able to openly share our good news. We planned to make the announcement on Gareth’s birthday.

Suddenly, all our plans seemed a million years away. I was so confused. I felt numb but at the same time, I had to keep telling myself that this is common and it happens to many people.

It’s common, it’s common, it’s common…and yet, I felt numb. I told G we had to go to the hospital.

It was a Sunday and the O&G section had its shutters down. I was disappointed as I thought hospitals were supposed to operate 24/7. We decided to head to the emergency room instead.

There was quite a crowd. “I am pregnant and I am bleeding”, I told the young man behind the counter. I was whisked to the back of the emergency room almost immediately.

They gave me a basic check-up and then they told me my obgyn was on the way. She arrived from home 1/2 hour later.

She started giving me an ultrasound. As soon as I saw the image on the screen – the outline of a fetus with a tiny beating heart and fingers, tears started welling up in my eye. I dreaded what my doctor was going to tell me next – that our baby would start leaving my body.

Instead, she said the baby looked great, and I had no clots around my uterus which was a good sign. She told me I am suffering from a condition called “threatened miscarriage” and nobody, not even doctors know exactly why it happens. What she can do is give me some progesterones and a lot of rest. I was due to see her in another week.

Husband and I made jokes about how his Welsh blood would make the baby extra strong and that he or she would stick all the way to September (my due date).

It’s been two days since the terrible day. I am still spotting but I’ve never soaked through one sanitary pad per day, which to me is really good. In fact, I’ve never had any unusual cramp.

A moment ago though, while doing the number 2, I painlessly passed the largest lump of dark blood clot since I started spotting a couple of days ago. It’s the sized of a dried sliced apricot. This episode shook me a little.

We decided against going to the emergency, because I am not in pain and honestly there is nothing I can do if my body decides to purge it. We are just hoping for the best.

+++++++++++++++

A week after I wrote the above, I stopped bleeding. Doc gave me another scan and confirmed everything was okay. We went on to announce the pregnancy and I even went clubbing at Velvet (hah, don’t know how to die right?).

Since, my confidence about this pregnancy increased daily. Everytime I looked down onto my panties and saw nothing, I’d say a little atheist prayer.

A couple of months passed and a few days ago, it happened again. Spots of blood on my panties and in the toilet. Sigh.

That dreadful feeling came back, the questions and the constant googling about losses at this advanced stage. In the end I decided that I need to calm my shit down. We didn’t even go to the emergency room, I have done enough reading to know that as long as I’m not gushing blood and not having severe cramps being at the emergency room won’t help.

Thankfully, the spotting has reduced significantly. I am hoping it’s just a pattern – something that happens to me as I enter a new trimester. Maybe it’s the universe’s way of keeping me humble. It sure is effective.


15 Responses to Red tide.

  1. Yuen May 27, 2014 at 9:56 am #

    Hi Kim, just wanted to wish you congrats and whatever happens hope you and Gareth have a safe and happy pregnancy! Looking forward to your happy news in September!!

  2. Kuzco May 27, 2014 at 10:10 am #

    Best wishes for you and the baby!

  3. Michelle May 27, 2014 at 12:24 pm #

    Oh dear i read this post with tears.
    Most importantly stay calm and positive.

    You will be ok!! Looking forward to September to see your lil bub!

  4. t3ngt3ng May 27, 2014 at 12:28 pm #

    Best wishes to you. Have a safe pregnancy and delivery!

  5. Thara May 27, 2014 at 12:57 pm #

    My heart constricts reading this. :( Best wishes to you, Gareth and little one. God willing, everything will be okay. Never stop praying for only He knows best! Take care you! <3

  6. Cel May 27, 2014 at 2:45 pm #

    felt a lump in my throat especially at what u said to the man behind the counter upon reaching the emergency room. Glad that all is well now, stay positive and looking forward! Keeping u in prayers *hugz*

  7. ShaolinTiger May 27, 2014 at 6:32 pm #

    Scary day that one.

  8. km May 27, 2014 at 7:13 pm #

    Fingers crossed and looking forward till Kim/Gareth Jnr joins us. Thanks for sharing such a personal experience with us.

  9. Amy May 27, 2014 at 7:46 pm #

    Hi, my mum was bleeding/spotting throughout her entire pregnancy with all 3 of us. Managed to give birth naturally with no problems and all 3 of us are fine now. Hope u will be too! :)

  10. mela May 28, 2014 at 9:45 am #

    Oh dear! That must have been really traumatic for you!

    Keep calm and stay positive!

    [By the way, just to mentally prepare you, on the morning I went into labour with my first child, I was gushing blood but with no cramps and my water bag didn’t burst. It freaked the shit out of me. My gynae said it’s completely normal. It’s just the body losing the “plug” or something…]

  11. David May 28, 2014 at 7:10 pm #

    Kimberly, Praying that your good health contnues. Do keep track of what your body tells you, and watch your feces for any more signs of blood. Lower GI bleeding is usually indicates other problems so do pay attention.

    Good to read that other than the scare, you and baby are well!

  12. Poh Huai Bin May 29, 2014 at 3:15 pm #

    Thank God (or preferred deity of your choice) everything turned out okay Kim!

    I was so apprehensive when I started reading, nothing seemed like good news at all, and I was expecting the worse…

    It’s good to hear that you and the baby is fine!

    Take care, here’s to a wonderful baby for you and Gareth 3 months down the line!

  13. sgrmse. May 30, 2014 at 5:46 pm #

    i love that you decided to post this & share instead of keep it filed away under ‘Private.’

    when i was in my momsy’s tummy, i, too was a threatened miscarriage— momsy told me. & then she said that one of the malay nurses told her that a baby who survives a threatened miscarriage is blessed with very high intelligence. (lol.) i don’t know if the latter is true about me, but i am incredibly inquisitive as a person & love learning how the world & everything in it (people included) work.

    rest assured, baby KG (kim+gareth) will be just fine. happy & healthy, as he/she should be.
    stay strong xxx

  14. Gina June 11, 2014 at 10:35 am #

    Dear Kim, I will keep your baby and your family in my prayers. I think the spotting is rather common.. my ex boss was pregnant 8 months when she was bleeding and went to the hospital. Rest assured, baby and her are fine. Now her son is already in primary school! So, keep being positive. Everything will be fine and dandy.

    • Kimberlycun June 12, 2014 at 4:20 am #

      Thank you Gina, appreciate it. It is indeed more common than believed and thankfully so far everything is normal.

Leave a Reply