March 2006 - Narcissism is Necessary

Archive | March, 2006


Of maturity and travelling style.

I used to be told that I had an old soul. Apparently I was mature beyond my age and all that jazz. Could be dirty old men’s trick to get into my crisp white sloggi’s but there were women who said that too so….

Thing is, you can’t help but grow up when you felt that there was nobody you could depend on. Although it is inherently childish to believe that you could never depend on anyone, not even your family and friends, ironically with such a mindset, you perceptions toward other things in general would inevitably mature. At least it was like that for me, my childishness somehow gave way for ideas and thoughts to grow (regrettably my breasts did not benefit from such circumstance).

Today, that artificial maturity has been replaced by a new attitude forged from a multitude of bittersweet experience. The weirdest thing is, instead of feeling older, I’ve never felt younger. I suppose anyone would feel young as soon as they allow themselves to a bit of fun and are okay with laughing at themselves. I reckon it’s not that easy to develop a healthy sense of self-deprecation otherwise they will be more happier people around!

It took me about 5 years of misery with intermittent short-lived happiness before I chose to be contented with my current state. Buckets of tears later, I was finally able to connect the dots; the missing links were simply, self-love.

When you’re loving yourself, oh my gawd, things just get bloody damn good because you’re no longer doing things against your wish! Other people sense that and they stop treating you like a doormat. You start to have better relationships with people because since they’re no longer shortchanging you, they also seem more aesthetically pleasing to you. You also start to look more pleasant because you’ve lost the frown or that hollowness in your eyes. You’re able to accept failures as part of life and instead of being so hard on yourself, you channel the energy into making things better. You know, all those things along the way like that.

I am by no means completely happy, but I’m getting there. To even think that I was in a phase where taking my own life seems so much more attractive :P

Anyway, Jayna has gotten a new job with a reputable bank and I’m so pleased for her. My girl’s going to go far in life, I just know it. The bf is making plans for a little weekend getaway. We’re probably going to stuff ourselves with food again as usual and I’m getting very excited already.

You know what they say, if you needed to find out whether you’re compatible with your partner, take a trip together. Be pleased if you’re comfortable with each other’s travelling style, as that would mean half a battle won.

Posted in: Babber Boo Boo, Emo & Personal - Continue Reading

Pigtails and being a little six year old again.

I’m barely 22, but the intensity of growing up has never been stronger than now. Sometimes I feel a desperate urge to hold onto my parents. It’s ironic because 5 years ago I would have done anything to live elsewhere but today I actually enjoy staying home and being fussed over by Mom.

I was to go shopping with Mom that day. I woke up feeling healthy and cheerful. I don’t know why, but somehow I wanted Mom to plait my hair. This is one of the activities that we enjoy as daughter and Mom. It makes me feel like a loved six year old and as for Mom, I believe she enjoys pretending that I was six and obedient again.

fob

Mom insisted that I show off her masterpiece.

FOB2

I like me pigtails.

FOB3

You can stop staring at the pimple on my forehead though.

Seriously, I look like a bloody FOB!

p/s: Oh btw, I’ve already messed up my left contact lense, it looks like a hardened curry puff now.

Posted in: Vain - Continue Reading