September 2016 - Narcissism is Necessary

Archive | September, 2016

Do you want to spend the night with sharks?

So you know Liam and I are now fans of Scott’s DHA Gummies and it’s all thanks to attending the Scott’s DHA Gummies Launch a while back.

Let me tell you about the day of the launch. We woke up bright and early but it did not start as smoothly as I had wished to because Liam decided to hate on his carseat that very morning.

In this picture here he was hanging out of my car while waving me off as though I was a dirty mosquito.

It took me a while and finally with the help of a cartoon on my phone, he calmed down and I managed to strap him in. Mummy = 1, Liam = 0.

We drove to Aquaria KLCC without the help of any navigation system thanks to Liam still holding my phone hostage. It must be all the Scott’s Emulsion I consumed as a child that I managed to reach Aquaria without making a single wrong turn! Thank you Scott’s.

Liam looking grumpy cause I took his phone away for this wefie at Aquaria’s entrance.

He quickly warmed up though. I think he knew that he’s in for some great fun and awesome gummies :)

And it’s official, Scott’s DHA Gummies are here to stay. Delicious, packed with DHA goodness and not coated in sugar.

Liam became a member of Scott’s Bright Little Explorers too – a platform for nurturing children’s curiosity and sense of adventure, launched in conjunction with the unveiling of Scott’s DHA gummies.

Thanks to the “Scott’s Bright Little Explorers” platform, Liam got a chance to take part in a hunt for aquatic exhibits and facts at Aquaria KLCC.

It was impossible to take a picture of him as he kept slapping my selfie stick away :(

But I think I probably had way more fun than Liam. This shark looks like it could be well-meaning, cauliflower-haired female relative that I’m missing in my life Hahahaha

Do check out Scott’s FB page for more fun activities for your little ones under “Scott’s Bright Little Explorers”.

Anyway, wouldn’t you like to win a chance to ‘Sleep with the Sharks’? Yes, really, you and your bubba could spend a night with the magnificent creatures at Aquaria KLCC!! Mummies, you could also win RM100 worth of AEON shopping vouchers on top of the slumber with sharks.

Imagine the look of wonderment on your child’s face when he or she watches a shark swimming by. Or when they look up to find a stingray smiling at them from above? The kind of imaginary conversations that would transpire between your kid and the mighty shark? I know Liam would be excited to introduce one of his Hot Wheels to Mr. Shark, haha.

To join this contest, all you have to do is:

1. Ask your mini one to complete this caption:

“If I could sleep next to a shark, I will ask Mr. Shark…..” (in less than 25 words), then guide your mini to draw a very simple happy shark on a piece of paper.

2. Snap a photo of his or her drawing and post it in the comments below along with the caption.

3. 10 most creative answers will win a pair of tickets to experience ‘Sleep with the Sharks’ and you moms will enjoy RM100 shopping vouchers from AEON.

Easy peasy, easy squeezy! May the most adorable drawings and captions win!

The contest runs from 19 September to 7 October 2016. Do read the terms & conditions at Hope you win!!

Posted in: Advertorials - Continue Reading

Sleep well, our Apollo and Artemis.

It’s been 12 days since I lost my son and daughter to prematurity. They were born at 24 weeks 5 days gestation – 4 weeks away from having a shot at staying alive and 15 weeks away from being actual full-term babies. How do I even begin to describe the saddest day of my life?

The pregnancy

My pregnancy was uneventful apart from the excitement (and horror) of finding out that I was carrying twins. The babies were growing well, I felt happy and relaxed, I did not bleed like when I was carrying Liam.

At every check-up and ultrasound, I was given the all-clear. Other than some concern with my low red blood cells and placenta being a little close to my cervical opening, I was a healthy pregnant woman. My heart skipped with joy everytime I saw my babies on the screen; seeing the outlines of their faces, their hearts beating strong, their arms waving and legs kicking.

Sometimes I couldn’t believe how lucky I was, happily married to a wonderful man who loves me and about to have 3 kids with only two pregnancies. To become a mum of three; 2 sons and a daughter…my fantasy coming true.

I woke up that day a little tired but nothing alarming. That’s what carrying a heavy belly does to you afterall. I made lunch for Liam and myself, folded the laundry, ate tea jelly with red dates that I made the day before and watched The Good Wife. I touched my growing belly ever so often with quiet happiness. I was contented.

And then I chatted with husband on Whatsapp about dinner and with phone still in my hand, I went to relieve my bladder. It was around 6pm.

Finished, wiped and had a quick look at the tissue. When I saw what’s on it, my heart sank to my belly. I quickly tried to recall what stage of pregnancy I was in. Far too soon. My chest ached at the fact.

I messaged Gareth and said “Spotting” instead, eventhough I knew exactly what it was. I couldn’t bring myself to say it. It wasn’t any ordinary spotting, it was my mucus plug coming out. I sent a photo of the discharge to my husband and immediately he knew what it was too.

I still had a little hope, because in my previous experience, Liam was born 20 days after the mucus plug came off. The babies might just make it? I started calling both hospitals (I was visiting two different obygyns in a public hospital and a private hospital). My private doctor was on holiday and my public doctor was at home. I decided to wait till the day after to go to the hospital.

Gareth came home with some dinner and we ate while discussing our options. We tried to stay positive and offered each other scenarios of good outcomes.


By 9pm, my contractions started kicking in. I kept telling myself they’re Braxton Hicks, but I knew they weren’t as they hurt like period cramps. I started timing them and they’re 4 minutes apart.

I started getting really upset. I messaged a friend who knew my public doctor for his personal contact and she gave it to me along with the advice of going straight to the hospital. Decided she was right as perhaps they have injections to help me stop the contractions? So we started packing for the hospital. The reality of what’s going to happen started to dawn on me. In the middle of packing for the hospital, I couldn’t help but cried.

I don’t know how but I had the foresight of removing my jewelleries and bringing my own maternity sanitary pads and clean undies. I think the pragmatic side of me knew I was going to give birth but the emotional side of me was still in denial.

We reached the public hospital, headed straight for the labour hall. They wheeled me in, plonked me on the examination bed. I kept telling the nurses and doctor to help my babies, to help me stop the pain, stop me from giving birth. I begged them to stop the contractions. A nurse said in malay, “Sorry, but you’re definitely giving birth cause you’re in such pain”.

A young doctor on duty gave me a vaginal examination with a speculum and as soon as she inserted it, my water broke. At that moment, I wish I could just die and not feel anything. I knew for sure that my babies were not going to make it. She then proceeded to say that she could feel either fingers or ear.

The labour

Not long after, another doctor came. He introduced himself and mentioned that he’s a specialist and he would take care of me. I have heard of this doctor before and was slightly relieved that he would be taking over. He told me that I had to deliver the babies now and they will try their best. At that point I was in so much pain I just wanted everything to be done and over with.

They wheeled me to the labour room and immediately I started pushing. After a few pushes, I felt the burning sensation of baby crowning and I saw my boy came out. He looked purple. They immediately took him away. When Liam came out he was pink and covered in vernix.

Then, doctor said the girl was breech and he kept massaging my stomach to try to turn her. They also wheeled in an ultrasound machine to scan my belly to check her position. I kept pushing as hard as I could eventhough my contractions had kind of died down. Eventually she too came out, also purple. It’s not even 12am yet.

After my placentas were expelled, they cleaned me up and I waited for Gareth to come in. The doctor told me kindly that they’re doing everything they can with the babies but to be prepared for bad news. I nodded. After all that pain, I was feeling numb.

Gareth finally came in with Liam. We talked about what happened and told ourselves that we would be fine if the twins died as it’s better than for them to be alive with severe disabilities.

Gareth and Liam in the birthing room.

The paediatrician came in to tell us that neither twin made it. They lived for about 45 minutes. He explained that they couldn’t really breathe on their own and that they were severely bruised due to the trauma from the birth as their skin was not strong enough. My girl was bruised on her back as she was breech while boy was bruised all over his face as he was born head first.

We didn’t cry. He asked if we would like to see them, and we said no. We told them to just deal with their bodies. A nurse in the room kept telling us to see them but we kept saying no.

After that, they said the “Forensics” were on the way and told Gareth to wait for them. We waited for a while more but Liam was getting really cranky so I told Gareth to just take Liam home. The forensics people never arrived. Now we understand that by “Forensics” that they had meant people from the mortuary.


After Gareth and Liam left, I was wheeled to my ward. I was on pitocin drips to get my womb contracting back to its original size – it was painful. Bad cramp after bad cramp for hours. In between cramps, I cried as the reality of the situation started sinking in.

My babies, my children are gone forever. I delivered 3 babies but I only have one with me. Why? Why did my son and daughter have to die? Why couldn’t I keep them in? They were healthy, thriving babies. No troubles for 6 whole months to suddenly delivering them in just 5 hours. It’s all so fucked up the more I thought about it.

As a fully paying patient, I got my own air-conditioned room with en-suite in the public hospital. In hindsight, I am so glad I got the privacy as I got to cry, groan and wail in my own room without disturbing anyone. I couldn’t imagine myself holding it together while being in a ward filled with women and their newborns (in public hospital the mothers are expected to take care of their babies right after birth).

I did not sleep at all. I couldn’t. I had a lot of time to myself to think. After the shock had passed, I longed to see my babies. I messaged Gareth that we had to see them and he agreed as well. As for what to do with their bodies, we decided to still let the hospital handled them. No ceremony.

Posted in: Emo & Personal, Parenting - Continue Reading