friendships Tag Archives - Narcissism is Necessary

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I will change.

When it comes to relationships with other people, don’t focus on what their motives or intentions are. Don’t focus on their speeches.

Focus on their actions instead. Actions are tangible while thoughts and speeches are not.

Because you will never, ever truly know what people’s minds are thinking….you will just end up hurting yourself & others by speculating & guessing. Why? Because uncertainty breeds contempt and resentment. That is not fair to anyone.

If you disliked someone’s action, tell that somebody immediately so that he or she can decide what to do. Only then you handle it from there.

Don’t keep the dislike or discomfort inside you because it will fill your head with doubt and ultimately consume you and everything else that is good.

Lastly, learn to let go. Because the past should never overpower your future.

Had an enlightening conversation with my husband. He basically taught me the wisdom above.

I have finally come to the realisation that I overanalyse one’s action so much so that it becomes bigger and more severe than it really is.

I am too preoccupied with the “motive” or intention behind an action that I simply forget that shit just happens.  Simply put, I am a fucked-up, straight-up batshit crazy conspiracy theorist. I get too carried away.

Today I will start to change that.

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Psychotic.

How do you define a friend? Who are your friends to you? Are they a source of comfort or are they just people you add on Facebook?

This week I’ve had a couple of friends confiding to me about their problems with their other friends. Some were purely misunderstandings, which is common in any relationship but then there are the serious ones which beckon the question: Why are they psychotic people in this world?

These people use and abuse their friends, spread lies to gain trust and play friends against each other just so they could be everybody’s best buddy. These people boast about their capabilities to help you but although finally end up with none of their promises materialised, they are still thick-faced enough to set you on a guilt-trip to help them because their intentions to help you in the first place were “pure and honest”?

Seriously, is there some sort of chemical imbalance in their brains? Is it upbringing? Is it something in their DNAs? I really don’t know but what I do know is that I’m appalled beyond comprehension by the behaviour of these people.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I don’t claim to be the best person to be friends with. I am callous, I am bitchy to a fault, I cuss all the time, I’m embarrassing when drunk, I have ego the size of Jupiter and recently, I’m so incredibly stingy that “Kimberly” is becoming the new “scrooge”. But despite all that, I can’t imagine ever in my life to lie to a friend about another friend because I yearn to be his or her best friend? I can’t involve my friends in business deals that don’t benefit each other. I can’t ever put my friends in a position where they’ll be pressured to pay for anything that benefits me. I won’t offer to help my friends in anything unless I know for a fact that I’m really capable of doing so because I don’t want to put my friends in a position where they are afraid of offending me in case they chose somebody else more capable to help them. And more importantly, I don’t want them to lose an opportunity to be helped better because they accepted an offer from someone less capable like me.

And why do I have all these personal rules? Well, simply because I don’t ever want to be at the receiving ends in the situations above. Because it’s common sense. Because friends don’t lure you into a tight spot. Friends don’t use you for personal or business gains. Friends don’t act all nice and kind in front of you but make up nasty stories about you to other people. Friends are naturally proud for you if you achieved something good. Friends are supposed to make you happy, not constantly worried about what kind of stupid shit they’re going to come out with next.

I’m very lucky that I have a group of close-knitted friends whom I trust 100%. Recently, I had some friendship problems of my own too. There was a pair of two-faced couple who almost ruined my group of friends with lies, tricks and more lies but I’m glad to say that they have been successfully weeded out and banished from our lives forever. So what I want to say to those friends who confided in me, don’t lose hope. We all meet psychotic people at various points of our lives but they come and go. Just focus on your real friends who will stick by you through thick and thin.

That said, if you have difficulty of retaining any true friend for more than 1 year, seriously you should get yourself admitted into a psychotic hospital you crazy assholes.

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Friendships are complex.

So I was talking about friendships in my previous post and it seems to me from all the comments that people do prefer friends to be honest with them. Okay, so it wasn’t exactly a huge sample for me to be drawing any conclusion but common sense prevails, no?

That said, aren’t we mostly all righteous and philosophical but when it comes down to the real deal, the Real McCoy, we tend to shy away from confrontations with friends? I mean, I can totally understand the discomfort of telling your friend that he or she has smelly feet, body odour or an attitude change.

I’ve once read somewhere that human beings are accommodating beasts. I agree with that. I mean, I have friends who are still hanging out with an ex-friend (to me) who is a known molestor. And I in turn, accommodate to my friends’ choice of friend even though I’m a victim. I’ve never asked them to sever their relationships with him or sever mine with them. Although I would have loved that this person be punished in some ways but well, one friendship is already a complex thing. Put so many together in one pot and we’ve got ourselves an anthropological bender.

Anyway, I’ve said too much already.

Just one last thing….a friend who touched one of your friends inappropriately and a friend who said the wrong things to one of your friends. Which one would you choose?

No brainer? Trust me, you would be absofuckinglutely surprised.

As for what kind of friend I am. Well, I’m certainly not the kind you would like to take out in public.

Knob.
Knob.

Posted in: Emo & Personal, General Faux Pas - Continue Reading