over?

I think it’s pretty much over. He can’t still be asleep now. There’s no reply yet. My feelings? Just numb. My eyes are dry.

Whose wrong is it? Mine? His? He wants me to be understanding and I’m doing just that for close to 6 months. Yes, there was one tumultuous month where I was being a psychobitch but I thought we worked that one out. He has broken four promises that he’d be back but I accepted all his excuses nevertheless. Because I think a man ought to concentrate on his work and I shouldn’t add to his burden. I wanted to be this man’s wife. I was willing to forgo my family, friends and youth for him. I only want happiness for him and I’m willing to go to lenghts for that. All I want from him is to be sincere and honest to me. But now, now it only takes an sms to wrap it all up.

What happened? I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. What just happened? Was it all a dream? Have I been dreaming for 1.5 years? It was all so real. I’ve never really felt belonged until I knew him. What did I do wrong? Why is he doing this to me?

No fitting title.

I slept and missed a dinner date with Tutz and the gang. Feeling guilty. I could be such a thoughtless bitch sometimes.

I miss him so much it delivers blow to my chest, literally. Regular readers would have noticed that I haven’t been blogging about him lately. Well, not that things between him and I have changed, but it’s just that I don’t want to be reminded of his absence. We actually came to a mutual agreement 2 months ago that we would cease to contact each other everyday for the sake of the relationship. I guess in some ways I have gained control of my mind. Instead of being depressive about the current circumstances, I have convinced myself to be contented as I have found a person that is truly compatible with me at every level; morally, musically, politically, spiritually, intellectually, socially and the list goes on. Yes, things are not as rosy as I like now but they will pass and on a forseeable one day we will be together without any obstacle.

To know that you feel the same, is a three-fold Utopian dream…

*Incubus – I Miss You

Sin Loo is back from Sabah and I’m so happy. Going to meet her tomorrow, hrmm I mean later. Fetching her to some government office near my college. She’s gotten herself a BAT scholarship. Way to go girl!

Why am I still awake? You see, I left my phone in the car. It’s raining heavily and very dark so I dared not venture out to retrieve it. But I have to wake up early in the morning and I have no alarm cause you see, the alarm is actually my phone. So I decide to stay awake than oversleep. Now you know I’m mad like that.

And guess what, before I started to blog, I actually found my phone. Sandwiched between some books. Now you know I’m really just dumb.