I’ve always told people that I have no desire to have any daughter because of how I was when I was a child. Calling my younger self a nightmare is an understatement.
Ran away from home. Played truant. Intercepted letters from school addressed to my parents for playing truant. Did badly in school. Eating disorders. Depression. Some unmentionables. Locked mom out of her own house and stared cock at her from the inside for hours. I haven’t done it all, but I certainly did enough.
As I grew up, I started to see that it’s not easy being a parent. Not only do you have to mangle your vagina giving birth to a piece of shit, you have to spend most of your money onto a piece of shit that yells at you.
Why do people even become parents? What’s so great about bringing up a human being?
Is it the novelty of being able to see someone who is part you, part your spouse? Is it because you want someone to take care of you when you’re old? Is it because of societal pressure? Is it because your friends are having babies? Is it because you’re bored?
Why are you having children?
I used to wish that I was never born.
Even though I possibly mangled my mom’s private bits (I’m not saying I know for a fact), she still loves me so, so much. Although I was a nightmare to deal with, she has persevered in making me who I am today – less of a nightmare.
Today, I was chatting with mom on whatsapp. She seemed a little sad. Distant.
So I went to into positive overdrive and that means being overly interested and chatty. After almost an hour of intermittent & monosyllabic replies from mummy…I was ready to call her up to yell at her, gently.
And suddenly, this appeared on my phone, “Talk tonight I very busy watching Walking Dead”.
I burst out laughing. And then I thanked the universe.