I had my first medical check-up.

On Saturday I went for a medical checkup. The company I’m planning to work for is pretty anal about not paying for my impending cancer, regardless of body parts. My Dad dropped me off at the clinic, which was located in a dodgy area of downtown KL.

The clinic itself was a house of labyrinth, complete with winding stairs, long corridors and unlabelled rooms. It was more nerve-racking being at the clinic than at the job interviews; the place was seriously spooky. After asking a few members of the staff, I finally found the receptionist.

Anyway, I handed my documents to the surprisingly pleasant-faced lady and was asked to take a seat. But I went to the loo instead, courtesy of downing two big glasses of chinese tea at breakfast while watching my Dad devoured his delicious pork noodle. After that, I was called into a room and a girl handed me a small bottle reminiscent of Brand’s Chicken Essence. I told the girl I would try my best.

Trying to collect my pee after I’ve peed, while squatting, would go down in history as one of the most unpleasant things I’ve done. After shifting the weight on my feet for about 10 minutes, I finally got the tap going. It came in trickles, yes, trickles and even my hand wasn’t spared. Ah shut it, Kim, at least you got the bottle half filled I told myself. And the pee was clear so I was deriving some perverse pleasure fantasising about showing off my pee to the man with his bottle of sunshine yellow whom I saw earlier.

Handed my pee to the girl, had my blood taken and was told to wait again. Minutes later, I was asked to go to the x-ray room, where I was asked some questions that would make any virgin blushes. Confirmed that I wasn’t knocked up, I was told to undress and put on a hospital gown. After the innards of my chest and abdomen were scanned, I was told to enter another room.

There was a lady doctor, about 50 years old and owned one of the most advanced handphones in the market. She asked me a lot of questions regarding my family’s medical history while examining my eyes, ears, throat and skin. After that, I was asked to undress and lie down. I grinned at her and she assured me that the door was locked. Then she started touching my boobs, for lumps I assume. It felt weird, being touched on the boobs in a non-sexual way.

After getting the boob massage, I had my blood pressure taken. The doctor frowned a bit. I got worried and asked her what’s wrong. She said that my pressure’s a little high and that I ought to go out and relax a bit before having my blood pressure taken a second time. I told her she should have taken my blood pressure before checking my breasts.

After 15 minutes of imagining myself at the beach in the clinic’s lounge, I was asked to go into the room again and had my blood pressure checked. This time, it was normal. Phew. Then she told me that my left eye was not good and that I had to have it tested again with contact lense on. I cursed like a sailor in my mind, but told her in the nicest way that I don’t wear contacts. She said I’d have to get a pair then.

So yeah, I’m typing this with my contact lenses on. Trying to put them on the first time was an adventure of its own. I’m glad it’s not as bad as I had expected. It’s actually quite nice to see things in the distance clearly without glasses. Don’t think I’ll wear them often though, still taking me about 1/2 hour just to put them on. Makes me want to crush the damn plastics sometimes.

Going back tomorrow with clear vision.

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