wtf am i doing here

sometimes i feel compelled to abandon all this and go pro. pro blogging that is. no work, nothing. just make sure i look pretty all the time and take strategically angled pictures of myself to trick people into thinking what a great specimen of human being i am. then they will all come. all here to read every single menial thing i do with my life. and because of all these readers who care to read about the menial details of my life, advertisers would come flocking to me to give me free shit and money. money! why do i slog so much over some figures i could earn back in a few advertorials? yeah, i forgot. i care about how banks look at me. why do i care about owning a home and a practical car? why do i care about having a garden for charlie to run around? and a decent kitchen to have laksa parties? why do i get bothered by not having all these things? if i just put all my effort into this blogging thing i can even buy all those with cash, no? maybe i can even concentrate on losing a lot of weight and fix my nose. then i can be fucking hot. perfect. more blog traffic. more money. i can even write without caring about grammar. who cares about decent english, it’s obviously proven that you don’t need to have a good command of english to be a writer here. all you need is to reveal some cleavage and speak in a breathy japanese porn star sort of way. hell i can just plagiarise and nobody would even notice. cause i’d be perfect. right i already have cleavage. i can certainly practise speaking like a japanese porn star. i’m all set. so what am i doing here? at 40…will pragmatism be my friend or foe?